Why I No Longer Look at BWE sites

https://blackfeministhaven.com/…/trading-in-one-form-of-op…/

Trading In One Form of Oppressor For Another: Why I No Longer Look at BWE sites

JUNE 23, 2016 / ANGELAROSELLE

THE RISE OF BWE IE BLACK WOMEN EMPOWERMENT AND BLACK WOMEN ORIENTATED BLOGS HAS BEEN BENEFICIAL IN HELPING MANY BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN LIVE THEIR LIVES FOR THE BETTER AND LOOK OUT FOR THEIR WELL BEING. MANY OF THESE BLOGS PROVIDE HELPFUL TIPS IN IMPROVING ONE’S LIFESTYLE FOR THE BETTER AND AVOIDING DESTRUCTIVE LIFE CHOICES AND DECISIONS. READING BLACK WOMAN EMPOWERMENT BLOGS SUCH AS EVIA MOORE’S BLACK FEMALE INTERRACIAL DATING AND MARRIAGE, KHADIJA NASSIF’S MUSLIM BUSHIDO AND SOJOURNER’S PASSPORT, FAITH DOW’S ACTS OF FAITH AND LOVE, HALIMA ANDERSON’S TO DATE A WHITE GUY AND ONE LESS SOLDIER’S NOT YOUR GIRL FRIDAY HAS BEEN BENEFICIAL TO MY EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL WELL BEING DUE TO THE FACT THAT I LEARNED TO PUT MYSELF AND MY OWN INTERESTS BEFORE I CAN HELP OTHERS. HOWEVER, THE BACKBITING, BICKERING, RUMORS AND DRAMA AND FIXATION ON WHITE MEN HAS LEAD ME TO STOP FREQUENTING SUCH SPACES. HENCE I BELIEVE MANY WOMEN IN BLACK WOMAN EMPOWERMENT AND OTHER BLACK WOMEN ORIENTATED SPACES ARE TRADING IN ONE FORM OF OPPRESSOR(BLACK MAN) FOR ANOTHER(WHITE MAN).

BLACK WOMEN EMPOWERMENT BLOGS STARTED IN 2007 AMIDST THE CONTROVERSY OF THE RAPES AND VIOLENCE THAT OCCURRED IN THE DUNBAR VILLAGE. BLOGS SUCH AS KHADIJA NASSIF’S MUSLIM BUSHIDO AND FAITH DOW’S ACTS OF FAITH AND LOVE WROTE ABOUT THE HORRORS OF WHAT WENT ON IN THE DUNBAR VILLAGE. THESE BLOGGERS USED THIS INCIDENT AS A WAY TO INFORM OTHER BLACK WOMEN ABOUT THE DANGERS OF RESIDING IN PREDOMINATELY BLACK AREAS. AS A SOLUTION TO FACING THE DANGEROUS LIVING CONDITIONS IN BLACK RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOODS, THESE BLOGGERS SUGGESTED THAT BLACK WOMEN LEAVE ”BLACKISTAN”, THE NAME WHOM BWE BLOGGERS GAVE TO BLACK RESIDENTIAL AREAS. INSTEAD, MANY OF THESE BLOGGERS PROMOTED BLACK WOMEN AND CHILDREN TO MOVE INTO SAFER, NEIGHBORHOODS AND MAKING ALLIES WITH GENUINE PEOPLE. HOWEVER WHAT THESE BLOGS HAVE FAILED TO ADDRESS HOW TO NAVIGATE WHITE AND MIXED ARENAS WHILE STILL HOLDING ONTO THEIR RACIAL DIGNITY. I GREW UP IN MOSTLY WHITE AND MIXED AREAS AND ALWAYS HELD PRIDE IN MY RACE AND CULTURE DESPITE BEING BULLIED AND DERAILED BY MY WHITE COUNTERPARTS. GROWING UP IN MOSTLY WHITE AREAS ISN’T A GUARANTEE THAT A WOMAN WOULD BE MUCH SAFER AND MORE ACCEPTED BUT I BELIEVE THAT BLACK WOMEN AND CHILDREN SHOULD DEFINITELY MOVE OUT OF BLACK, RESIDENTIAL AREAS. THUS THESE BLOGS PROMOTED THE SAFETY AND WELL BEING OF BLACK WOMEN AND ENCOURAGED THEM TO PUT THEIR NEEDS AND INTERESTS FIRST.

THESE BLOGS ALSO PROMOTED THAT BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN REMOVE FINANCIAL SUPPORT FROM MISOGYNISTIC BLACK MALE ENTERTAINERS SUCH ASKEVIN HART, 50 CENTS, DL HUGHLEY DUE TO THEIR LACK OF RESPECT AND RECIPROCATION TO BLACK WOMEN’S INTERESTS. MANY OF THESE ENTERTAINERS HAVE PUT DOWN BLACK WOMEN IN THE MEDIA OR ON SOCIAL MEDIA. MANY OF THEM HAVE USED SEXIST AND COLORIST STANDARDS TO JUDGE BLACK WOMEN. YET IF IT WASN’T FOR BLACK WOMEN, THESE ENTERTAINERS WOULDN’T EVEN BE FAMOUS BECAUSE IT WAS BLACK WOMEN WHO FINANCIALLY FUNDED AND SUPPORTED THESE MEN’S CAREERS. THESE ENTERTAINERS WOULD MARRY INTERRACIALLY AND TAKE THE MONEY THAT THEY EARNED AND BRING THE MONEY TO THE COMMUNITIES OF OTHER RACES INSTEAD OF THEIR OWN COMMUNITIES. WORST OF ALL, THESE BLACK MALES DON’T PAY ANY MIND TO BLACK WOMEN’S INTERESTS OR ISSUES DESPITE BLACK WOMEN’S DEVOTION AND DEDICATION TO BLACK MEN’S PLIGHT IN SOCIETY. HENCE THE REASON WHY BWE BLOGGERS PROMOTE BLACK WOMEN REMOVING FINANCIAL, EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL SUPPORT FROM BLACK MEN AND THEIR PROJECTS.

THERE IS CONTROVERSY OVER BWE BLOGGERS’ INSISTENCE THAT USING BIRACIAL WOMEN TO PORTRAY BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN IN THE MEDIA IS ERASING BLACK WOMEN’S IMAGE IN THE MEDIA. MANY PEOPLE FEEL THAT THESE BLOGGERS ARE ATTACKING BIRACIAL WOMEN INSTEAD OF COUNTERACTING COLORISM. HOWEVER, I BELIEVE THAT THESE BWE BLOGGERS ARE TRYING TO PROMOTE THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN BIRACIAL AND BLACK WOMEN TO PRESERVE THE AUTHENTICITY AND PHENOTYPE OF BLACK WOMEN. THEIR CONCERN WAS OVER THE FACT THAT BLACK WOMEN’S PHENOTYPE IS BEING ERASED AND PROMOTED BY BIRACIAL AND NON BLACK WOMEN PORTRAYING THEM IN THE MEDIA. NONETHELESS, MANY BLACK AMERICANS INSIST ON INCLUDING BIRACIAL WOMEN IN THE BLACK CATEGORY TO JUSTIFY AND COVER UP THE FACT THAT MANY BLACK MEN AREN’T ATTRACTED TO WOMEN WHO REFLECT HIS IMAGE. AND TO ERASE BLACK FEMININITY AND UPHOLD WHITE WOMEN AS THE SYMBOL OF BEAUTY. THUS THE REASON WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO UPHOLD, PROTECT AND DEFINE THE IMAGE OF BLACK WOMEN IN AMERICA AND ON A GLOBAL SCALE.

PROMOTING WEIGHT LOSS TO BLACK WOMEN WAS ANOTHER FORM OF ADVICE IN MANY BWE EMPOWERMENT SPACES. THIS WASN’T A HUGE CONCERN TO ME BECAUSE I AM NATURALLY SLIM AND ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY BUT THIS WAS A CONCERN TO MANY BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN. AS A COLLECTIVE, BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN ARE EITHER OVERWEIGHT OR OBESE. 80% OF BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN ARE EITHER OVERWEIGHT OR OBESE. THAT WAS WHY WEIGHT LOSS AND MAINTAINING A HEALTHY WEIGHT WAS HIGHLY PROMOTED IN THESE SPACES. HOWEVER, MANY WOMEN COMPLAINED THAT THESE BWE BLOGS SHAMED OVERWEIGHT BLACK WOMEN AND PROMOTED BLACK WOMEN TO BE SLIM. AS FOR ME, I BELIEVE THAT MAINTAINING A HEALTHY DIET AND HEALTHY WEIGHT IS ESSENTIAL FOR A HEALTHY AND LONG LIFE.

INTERRACIAL DATING AND MARRIAGE WAS PROMOTED BY THE LIKES OF EVIA MOORE AND HALIMA ANDERSON ON THEIR BLOGS TO ENCOURAGE BLACK WOMEN TO BROADEN THEIR DATING AND MARRIAGE OPTIONS. WAY TOO MANY BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN LIMIT THEMSELVES TO BLACK AMERICAN MEN AND REFUSE TO LOOK OUTSIDE OF THEIR RACE. YET THE RATIO BETWEEN BLACK AMERICAN MEN AND WOMEN IS 4:1 . MANY BLACK AMERICAN MEN AREN’T INTERESTED IN DATING BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN. I BELIEVE THAT BROADENING THEIR DATING OPTIONS TO INCLUDE NON BLACK MEN IN THEIR DATING POOL AND VETTING MEN BASED ON THEIR CHARACTER AND COMPATIBILITY IS A BETTER ALTERNATE INSTEAD. EXPANDING YOUR DATING OPTIONS WOULD HIGHER BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN’S CHANCES IN FINDING A DECENT MAN TO SETTLE DOWN WITH. THERE ISN’T ANYTHING WRONG WITH PREFERRING YOUR OWN RACE BUT LIMITING YOURSELF TO A SPECIFIC RACE HURTS A WOMAN’S CHANCES IN FINDING A DECENT MAN TO SETTLE DOWN WITH.

BWE EMPOWERMENT BLOGS WERE VERY HELPFUL TO MANY BLACK WOMEN AT IT’S PEAK. MANY BLACK FEMALE COMMENTERS WOULD COMMENT ON THESE BLOGS AND TALK ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES. OR THEY WOULD TALK ABOUT WHAT THEY LEARNED FROM READING THE POSTS ON THESE BLOGS. KHADIJA NASSIF’S BLOG, EVIA MOORE’S AND HALIMA ANDERSON’S BLOGS HAD MANY COMMENTS FROM MANY WOMEN AS THEIR POSTS GAVE INSIGHTFUL AND HELPFUL ADVANCE TO BETTER THEIR LIVES. HOWEVER, WHAT STARTED OUT WITH GOOD INTENTIONS TURNED INTO SOMETHING DESTRUCTIVE AS A NEW COMER CAME INTO THE PICTURE.

THE SLOW DECLINE OF BWE EMPOWERMENT

CHRISTELYN KAZARIN, A NEWCOMER INTO THE BWE BLOGSPHERE, CAME INTO THE PICTURE. SHE IS EVERYTHING THAT BWE EMPOWERMENT BLOGGERS HAVE SUGGESTED BLACK AMERICAN DO AND EMULATE IN ORDER TO SUCCEED IN SOCIETY. CHRISTELYN KAZARIN IS ATTRACTIVE, SLIM, EDUCATED BLACK AMERICAN WOMAN MARRIED TO A WHITE AMERICAN MAN NAMED MICHAEL KAZARIN. THIS WOMAN RUNS HER OWN BLOG CALLED BEYOND BLACK AND WHITE AND CREATED A CAMPAIGN, NO WEDDING NO WOMB. NO WEDDING NO WOMB WAS A CAMPAIGN WHERE SHE ENCOURAGED BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN TO WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE MARRIED TO HAVE CHILDREN. THIS WAS HER EFFORT TO ADVICE BLACK WOMEN TO STOP HAVING CHILDREN OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE AND SET BOUNDARIES WHEN IT COMES TO FINDING A MATE. CHRISTELYN KAZARIN’S MISSION WAS TO HELP BLACK WOMEN BROADEN THEIR OPTIONS TO INCLUDE WHITE AND NON BLACK MEN IN THEIR DATING POOL AND VET THEM BASED ON THEIR CHARACTER. NONETHELESS THERE WERE SOME CRACKS THAT WERE BEGINNING TO FORM IN THE MOVEMENT EVEN BEFORE CHRISTELYN KAZARIN CAME ON THE SCENE.

I USED TO WATCH CHRISTELYN KAZARIN’S VIDEOS AND FREQUENT HER BLOG. WHILE I DO BELIEVE SHE MEANS WELL, SHE IS HURTING HER OWN CAUSE BY RESPONDING TO BLACK MALE MISOGYNISTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. WHY NOT FOCUS ON BLACK WOMEN FINDING LOVE AND HAPPINESS WITH MEN OF OTHER RACES INSTEAD OF RESPONDING TO BLACK MALE MISOGYNISTS AND INTERNALIZING THEIR HORRID VIEWS ON BLACK WOMANHOOD? ALSO CHRISTELYN KAZARIN DOESN’T PROMOTE VETTING NON BLACK MEN THAT SHOW INTEREST IN DATING AND COURTING BLACK WOMEN. TO HER, ANY OL’ WHITE MALE WOULD DO EVEN IF HE HAS NASTY CHARACTERISTICS AND CHARACTER TRAITS. I WAS HORRIFIED WHEN I SAW A COUPLE OF VIDEOS OF HER HAVING THIS WHITE GUY NAMED WES DATING A BLACK WOMAN, CARRIE BECAUSE IT WAS OBVIOUS THAT WES WASN’T INTERESTED IN CARRIE. YET CARRIE STILL CONTINUED TO SEE HIM. AT THE END OF THE CLIP, HE REJECTED HER AND DECIDED THAT HE DIDN’T WANT TO PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP. I WAS DISAPPOINTED THAT CHRISTELYN KAZARIN WOULD MAKE BLACK WOMEN LOOK DESPERATE IN THE PURSUIT OF A WHITE MAN THAT DIDN’T WANT HER. THAT AND THE TROLLS ON HER SITE ALWAYS PUTTING WHITE MEN ON THE PEDESTAL WAS THE LAST STRAW FOR ME. UNFORTUNATELY, I BELIEVE THAT CHRISTELYN KAZARIN IS SETTING BLACK WOMEN UP TO FAIL IN THE INTERRACIAL DATING AREA.

THERE WAS ALWAYS SOME WOMEN IN BWE EMPOWERMENT BLOGSPHERE WHO BICKERED AND WENT BACK AND FORTH WITH ONE ANOTHER. MANY OF THESE WOMEN WOULD CALL ONE ANOTHER NAMES SUCH AS MAMMY TO PUT DOWN ANOTHER WOMAN WHOM SHE DISAGREED WITH. OR THEY WOULD STAB ONE ANOTHER IN THE BACK AND SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT ONE ANOTHER. I EXPERIENCED ALOT OF DISSENT, DRAMA AND BACKBITING WHILE I FREQUENTED SUCH SPACES. MANY OF THESE WOMEN WOULD BRING UP THE TOPIC OF BLACK MALE MISOGYNY AND TELL WOMEN NOT TO DEFEND THESE MISOGYNISTIC BLACK MALES. YET SOME OF THESE SAME WOMEN DIDN’T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS DEFENDING AND PUTTING WHITE MEN WHO EXHIBIT THESE SAME TRAITS ON A PEDESTAL. SOME OF THESE WOMEN WEREN’T BETTER THAN THE BLACK MALE MISOGYNISTS THAT THEY WERE RAILING AGAINST. WORST OF ALL, EVEN SOME OF THE FOUNDING MEMBERS OF BWE EMPOWERMENT HAD PROBLEMS GETTING ALONG AND HAD THEIR DISAGREEMENTS.

MANY OF THE WOMEN SEEM TO BELIEVE THAT MARRYING WHITE MEN WOULD SOLVE ALL OF THEIR PROBLEMS. I AM NOT AGAINST INTERRACIAL DATING AND MARRIAGE HOWEVER I DON’T BELIEVE THAT MARRYING A WHITE MAN WOULD SOLVE THE RACISM AND SEXISM BLACK WOMEN FACE IN SOCIETY. IN FACT, IT WAS WHITE MALE COLONIZATION, SLAVERY, RACISM AND APARTHEID POLICIES THAT HAS HAD NEGATIVE EFFECTS ON BLACK WOMEN’S CONDITION IN SOCIETY. IT WAS AND STILL IS THE WHITE MAN WHO PUTS HIS WOMAN AND OTHER NON BLACK WOMAN AHEAD OF BLACK WOMEN IN THE SOCIAL AND DATING WORLD. IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, LOOK AT R&B SINGER, NICK JONAS’ CASTING CALL THAT ONLY ASKED FOR CAUCASIAN, INDIAN AND SOUTH AMERICAN WOMEN AND EXCLUDED BLACK WOMEN. IT IS OBVIOUS THAT OTHER RACES OF MEN WILL ALWAYS PUT THEIR WOMEN FIRST AND FOREMOST. OTHER RACES OF MAN ALWAYS PROTECT AND DEFEND THEIR WOMEN REGARDLESS OF WHO THEY MATE WITH. SO MANY WOMEN IN THE BWE SPACES HAVE SUCH LOW SELF ESTEEM THAT THEY WANT TO SEEK A NON BLACK MALE WHO IS WILLING TO PUT DOWN HIS RACE AND WOMAN TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER. NO, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE MOST NON BLACK MEN HAVE A SENSE OF PRIDE AND DIGNITY IN THEIR RACIAL AND CULTURAL ORIGINS UNLIKE BLACK MEN. MARRYING WHITE AND NON BLACK MEN ISN’T A LIFE ACCOMPLISHMENT OR MEDAL OF HONOR LIKE MANY WOMEN IN BWE EMPOWERMENT MAKE IT OUT TO ME.. IF A BLACK WOMAN HAPPENS TO FIND LOVE AND HAPPINESS OUTSIDE OF HER RACE, I AM FINE WITH IT BUT IT IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO HAVE PRIDE AND DIGNITY WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN RACIAL AND ETHNIC GROUP.

IN MANY WAYS THE ACTIONS OF MANY BLACK MEN HAS ADDED FUEL TO THE FIRE. COLORSTRUCK AND MISOGYNIST BLACK MEN PUT DOWN BLACK WOMEN AND PUT WHITE WOMEN ON A PEDESTAL BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN INTERNALIZED RACISM AND SELF HATRED. THE REASON WHY MANY BLACK MEN ARE SO PREOCCUPIED WITH AND SET ON MATING WITH NON BLACK WOMEN IS BECAUSE NON BLACK WOMEN REPRESENT FEMININITY, BEAUTY, PURITY AND WOMANHOOD AND ARE PROTECTED AND DEFENDED BY JUST ABOUT EVERYONE.THEY WANT TO HAVE THE WHITE MAN’S WOMAN AND HAVE THE POWER, RESOURCES AND RESPECT WHITE MEN HAVE WITHOUT ACTUALLY WORKING FOR IT. ALSO MANY OF THESE BLACK MEN SEE HAVING A WHITE OR NON BLACK WOMAN AS A STATUS SYMBOL OR TROPHY. AS A COLLECTIVE, BLACK AMERICAN MEN ARE DEFEATED BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT THEY FAIL TO SEE BEAUTY IN THEIR OWN REFLECTION(BLACK WOMEN) AND FAIL TO BUILD FUNCTIONING COMMUNITIES FOR THEIR WOMEN AND CHILDREN TO GROW UP IN, WORK IN AND THRIVE AS INDIVIDUALS. AGAIN, I UNDERSTAND THE AGHAST AND ANGER MANY WOMEN IN BWE SPACES HAVE TOWARDS BLACK MEN BUT I DON’T NECESSARILY BELIEVE THAT MARRYING A WHITE MAN WILL SOLVE ALL THE PROBLEMS THAT BLACK WOMEN FACE IN SOCIETY. IN ALL, I BELIEVE THAT BOTH WHITE AMERICAN MAN’S PATRIARCHAL, RACIST, CLASSIST AND CAPITALIST INFRASTRUCTURE AND BLACK AMERICAN MEN’S MISOGYNOIR, COLORISM, INTRA RACISM AND SEXISM STRUCTURE IN THE BLACK COLLECTIVE HAS PLAYED A ROLE IN THE BLACK WOMAN’S STATE AND CONDITION IN THIS COUNTRY.

THAT BEING SAID, I NO LONGER FREQUENT OR LOOK AT SUCH SPACES. AFTER A WHILE, LOOKING AT SUCH SPACES STARTED TO WEAR ME DOWN MENTALLY. IT BECAME COUNTERPRODUCTIVE TO MY WELL BEING TO LOOK AT SPACES WHERE WOMEN WERE FIGHTING OVER MEN AND FOCUSING ON NEGATIVITY. THAT IS WHY I BELIEVE THAT MANY WOMEN IN BLACK WOMEN ARE TRADING IN ONE FORM OF PATRIARCHY IE BLACK MALE PATRIARCHY FOR ANOTHER IE WHITE MALE PATRIARCHY. THUS I WILL TAKE THE ADVICE OF THE ORIGINAL BWE GURUS LIKE KHADIJAH AND START FOCUSING ON FINISHING COLLEGE AND FINDING A PART TIME JOB INSTEAD.